It doesn't help that, in addition to taking a break from Twitch, I deleted my Discord because I don't trust the company anymore. So I've been trying to seek out other online communities on IRC, Jabber, etc. but not really finding any that click with me.

I plan to reengage with Twitch before Easter while trying to be careful about not using it as mindless entertainment or background noise.

But I also realized: I have no real-life friends that live near me. My only IRL social interaction is with my family and my church community. I love my family dearly, but we need friends, too. And I love my church community, but I don't interact with them much outside of church meetings – with the exception of occasional visits in their homes as part of my leadership role, which I absolutely love.

Online friends are great, and I have met some genuinely good people that way, but electronic interaction is no substitute for in-person interaction.

We need people. And I need to make more friends in real life.

Discuss...

#100DaysToOffload (No. 156) #faith #Lent #Twitch #family #friends #loneliness #tech

They are, of course, no substitute from “real-life” interactions with family, friends, and others. But I'd like to think that at least a few of my Twitch friends are authentically themselves online and that we'd get along swimmingly if we were ever to meet in real life. I once met in-person with a streamer friend of mine and, though our time together was brief, I felt like we could have talked for days.

I also recently left a Discord server I had been a part of for about five years and, while leaving was absolutely the right decision for me, I do miss interacting with many folks there, too.

So I think I just need to find other ways to interact with people around shared interests. Probably in real life, if I can.

There's always a risk with relationships and human connection. People will let you down. They will hurt you. Yet we need people. And good people and good relationships can make the risk worth it.

I've been thinking about picking up the clarinet again and getting into a local music group – a concert band or orchestra, maybe?

Or maybe trying to start a local club or group around an interest of mine. A Linux user group? A minimal tech group?

I dunno. I just think I need friends in my local area. I know many good people from church, but I don't really communicate or get together with any of them regularly outside of church meetings and functions.

I'm just being reminded that Twitch has not only been a fun creative outlet, it's been a social outlet for the past couple years, as well.

Discuss...

#100DaysToOffload (No. 125) #Twitch #friends #community

Abstaining from Twitch – both as a streamer and a viewer – was only one of many things I did for Lent last year, but Twitch has been an obvious source of mental and emotional turmoil for me in recent months, so I think it makes sense for me to step away for a bit and recalibrate.

I will take this time to really contemplate a new approach to Twitch if and when I do decide to return. I want to take what I call the “Fred Rogers Approach” to streaming.

Mister Rogers' approach to television ran completely contrary to the mainstream, and I want to to do the same. I actually attempted this briefly with my DJ stream when I rebranded it to “Positive Notes”. But I abandoned that experiment because I realized I can't limit such a program to just a DJ stream. It really needs to be a variety stream centered around my interests and talents. And the Twitch DJ Program terms specify that DJ streams need to have pre-recorded music as their primary focus, and that you should have a second channel for other content.

Not that I really care about following the DJ Program terms anymore, since it seems they are still not enforcing most of the rules, and the rules they do enforce are not enforced consistently or fairly. I've been playing full albums on my DJ stream for months, which is technically against the rules. Even had a member of the Twitch staff tune in occasionally and enjoy the program.

But it's generally understood that DJ streams should be monetized to offset the DJ Program fees that Twitch has to pay to the record labels. And I've decided that if I return to Twitch, my new channel will never be monetized through Twitch's monetization program. If there is any funding at all, it will be through donations, and perhaps, eventually, sponsorships that are intentional and make sense for what I'm doing. I'll be going for a public television vibe.

I'll probably take a month or two to really think through this and decide if it's worth the time and effort, or if I should move on and pursue something else entirely.

#100DaysToOffload (No. 123) #Twitch #hobbies

Of all movies on my Amazon Prime watch list, I picked The Hiding Place. It's based on the true story of Corrie ten Boom, who with her sister and father ran a safe house and helped smuggle Jews fleeing the Nazi-occupied Netherlands during World War II. They were arrested and imprisoned, Corrie's father dying in a matter of days and she and her sister being sent to concentration camps.

It's a difficult, moving film to watch, and it wrecked me, but in the best way. It brought tears, but also clarity and peace.

In my last post, I shared frustration about the latest drama on Twitch and was seriously considering quitting as a streamer and viewer. But a line from The Hiding Place hit me hard. I actually had to pause the movie after hearing it and weep for a few minutes as it sunk in.

There's a scene where a couple members of the underground are talking to Corrie and her sister Betsy, asking them if they really do want to use their home as a safe house for Jews. Betsy says:

Truthfully, I’d rather do anything else. I’d like to close the door and never open it again until this whole hideous thing is over. But that’s me. My Lord Jesus tells me to open the door to whatever comes, to give His love in whatever way I can. And I will listen to His voice, not mine.

This is exactly how I feel about what I do on Twitch. My voice is telling me to quit. God's voice is telling me to give His love in whatever way I can. And I cannot deny that Twitch has been a way for me to do just that.

Several people have told me that tuning into my stream has helped them out of a dark place or made them feel good or brightened their day. And I have to believe that alone is worth all the trouble and drama that comes with Twitch. So I'll keep trying.

Another aspect of the film that moved me was Betsy's unwavering faith in Jesus Christ despite the horrific conditions of Ravensbrück concentration camp, where she eventually died. Their beds are infested with fleas and lice and Corrie says she doesn't think she can give thanks for the pests. But it's soon revealed that the fleas and lice are what keep the Nazis from going any further into their barracks than the doorway, giving them some privacy and freedom at least in that space. So they were thankful for the fleas.

There's another line from the film and something Corrie ten Boom often said when telling her story.

No pit is so deep that He is not deeper still; with Jesus even in our darkest moments, the best remains and the very best is yet to be.

And that's from a lady who survived a concentration camp. I aspire to have even a fraction of the faith in Jesus Christ that she and her family did. And it makes my problems seem so manageable by comparison.

I believe the very best is yet to be for me and for you – for all of us.

And now I need to add the book The Hiding Place to my reading list.

Discuss...

#100DaysToOffload (No. 114) #faith #gratitude #life #movies #books #Twitch #Christianity

Drama that I did not cause or invite, but that found me anyway. And the fallout from this latest drama is making me revisit the idea of just leaving Twitch altogether.

I started out streaming on Twitch just to share my music collection with others and interact with them while enjoying music together. At one point I hoped it might grow into something more. At least a decent side-hustle. But I no longer want that, because I see what being a professional streamer requires of the streamer and I realize I don’t want that. It’s a lot. Too much for me right now.

So I’ve made peace with just being a guy who listens to music sometimes and invites people to join me on a live stream if they like. But apparently I can’t even do that without getting hurt.

I guess that’s just the risk of human interaction and relationships. Of opening yourself up to other people. Of being vulnerable.

We need people. But people can hurt us. And sometimes being a hermit sounds really, really appealing.

And so it’s time, yet again, to seriously reflect and introspect and decide if I want to put any more of myself into this Twitch thing or if it’s time to move on. If the joy I’m able to give to others and experience with them is worth the pain and heartache and drama. I want to believe it is. But I need to think about it more.

Discuss...

#100DaysToOffload (No. 113) #Twitch

Scambaiting is where people call known scam numbers (like tech support or lottery scammers) posing as potential victims to try to waste their time and potentially get them to share info that can be used to report them to the authorities or shut them down. It's a lot of comedy and improv. Kitboga was the first scambaiter I discovered and still one of my favorites.

I had fun with the handful of streams I did, but it was also extremely stressful for me, to the point where I was having a lot of anxiety and it was affecting my physical health. I stopped scambaiting. But I wasn't ready to start blogging again until now.

A couple people on the Fediverse actually told me they missed my blog, which was both surprising to me and encouraging. Maybe I'm not just sending text into the void.

I hope to post some things in the coming weeks, if only for posterity and for me to refer back to and remember.

#Twitch #mentalHealth

I encourage you to watch the film for the deeper context – I thought it was pretty good. But this simple phrase so eloquently and succinctly conveyed an idea I have been struggling to articulate.

Twitch is just one example of a broader trend that has existed in some form or fashion since the beginning of time, but has only accelerated with the creation of smartphones and social media. It is evident in what some have called “Selfie Culture.” A related term that has surfaced in more recent years is “Influencer.” With hints of “Reality TV” thrown in (and we all know “Reality TV” is far from reality).

We (I include myself in this) have become increasingly obsessed with drawing attention to ourselves. Performance. Fame. Seeking worldly validation and accolades from strangers. Platforms like Twitch, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, and others have taken this obsession a step further and have monetized it. They are exploiting us by giving us financial incentives to exploit ourselves.

It's not only self-obsession that is being monetized, but human socialization. It's distorting our perceptions of what it means to be part of a community and to interact and connect with others. We are putting price tags on activities and experiences that are (or should be) shared freely in the real world with authentic people.

The things that matter most, the beautiful things, don't ask for attention. Life doesn't seek an audience or subscriptions.

Discuss...

#Twitch #SocialMedia #PositiveNotes #life

The word community is used in our day to describe people who connect with each other via the internet to form online groups around common interests. But that is not the definition of a community. That is a club. Like a chess club. Or a computer club. And clubs are, by their very nature, exclusive – some more than others, depending on how tightly their leaders and members want to run things.

A community is very different from a club. Clubs can exist within communities. But, at least before the Internet Age, the word community described people with different interests, backgrounds, etc. living and working together despite their differences. As Neil Postman wrote back in 1999:

Think ... of how the words “community” and “conversation” are now employed by those who use the Internet. I have the impression that “community” is now used to mean, simply, people with similar interests, a considerable change from an older meaning: A community is made up of people who may not have similar interests, but who must negotiate and resolve their differences for the sake of social harmony. Tocqueville used the phrase “an ethic of reciprocity” to delineate what is at the heart of community life. What has that to do with “a community” of Internet users? As for “conversation,” two (or more) people typing messages to each other are engaged in an activity quite different from what is usually called a conversation. To call messages that lack the presence of the human voice and human faces a “conversation” seems odd to me. (Neil Postman, Building a Bridge to the 18th Century, p. 53)

We have been seeking human connection, belonging, and validation online in places like social media platforms, instant messaging groups, forums, etc. when they can provide none of these things in a deeply meaningful way.

A group of fans of a Twitch streamer or channel is not a community. It's a fan club. Calling them “communities” gives us the wrong idea of what it really means to be a community.

You will find more fulfillment and purpose by seeking to build and strengthen real-life communities in your family, neighborhood, and city than you ever can online.

Internet-based tools can help strengthen and connect real-life communities, but they can never replace those communities.

Discuss...

#internet #SocialMedia #Twitch

The organization behind this boycott is The People's Union USA. They've done boycotts against Amazon and other companies before. They're politically non-partisan and are seeking to unite and organize people against “corporations, the billionaire class, and the political parasites that have been feeding off our work, our wages, and our rights for far too long.”

The stated purpose of the boycott is:

[A] strategic, peaceful act of economic resistance against one of the most powerful corporations in the world.

Amazon has become the face of unchecked greed:

• Exploiting workers
• Crushing small businesses
• Profiting off surveillance and data
• Feeding a system that no longer serves the people

It's about promoting ethical business, real community, and actual freedom in the market.

This is a cause I care about, so for the next seven days I will avoid using or spending money on the websites, apps, products, and services of the following Amazon companies, subsidiaries, and brands:

• Amazon.com
• Whole Foods Market
• Amazon Fresh
• Amazon Prime Video
• Audible
• Twitch
• Ring
• Amazon Basics
• Kindle
• Amazon Music
• Goodreads
• IMDB

Will you join us? Even for a day. I believe if enough of us care and take action, we can make a difference.

(Note: I realize a good chunk of websites and online services run on AWS, but this is a consumer boycott and for practical reasons I think it makes sense that AWS wasn't included.)

#Twitch #tech #business #privacy #PositiveNotes

Sometimes I can almost forget it. But like my tinnitus, it's always there when I stop and think about it.

It feels like a chapter of my life may be ending. And I feel...mournful. Sad.

For over a year, streaming on Twitch – playing music from my collection – was all I wanted to do. It was the most fun I've had in many years, and brought back a long-lost love of collecting music.

I don't look forward to it anymore. It feels like a chore. Each time I stream, I enjoy it a little less, a nagging question in the back of my mind: should I just stop now?

I still love music. But I look at my collection – a hodgepodge of vinyl and plastic and magnetic tape sitting still and silent on IKEA Kallax shelves. Inanimate. Waiting.

Physical copies of some of the music I adore most in this world. A physical manifestation of twenty months of dedicated collecting.

And now I wonder why I've done it. I wonder if I want to keep doing it.

Other things are more important. I've always know it, but I was reminded of it when I took a break from Twitch for Lent. And I'm fighting myself. Because I don't want things to be different.

What would I do instead? I'm still trying to figure that out. But I don't have to keep doing something I don't want to do anymore – that I feel I shouldn't do – just because I don't know what to replace it with.

This much I do know. Slipping back into some of the things I gave up for Lent has caused me to lose spiritual ground. I'm losing perspective. I'm losing the will to read and write and contemplate and commune with God. I'm slipping back into a technological coma. And I feel it.

I thought the drastic changes I made – the self-imposed restrictions I put in place – would prevent this. It's not working.

I cannot allow the pendulum to swing back. Not this time.

It's possible I'm weighed down with other things. There's a lot of worry in my personal life now. Family stuff. And I'm feeling helpless as I witness my country, my home, tear itself apart. Maybe those concerns are casting a dark cloud over everything, including my beloved hobbies.

Or maybe Lent worked. Maybe I was able to spiritually reset and re-calibrate. Maybe I did get just the smallest bit closer to where I want to be in the grand scheme of life and eternity and I just can't go back now. Maybe I'm just not the same. And maybe I don't want to be the same.

Should that make me sad? Whether or not it should, it's how I feel right now. And I'm sharing how I feel because, as Fred Rogers said:

Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.

Discuss...

#Twitch #faith #life