As I have started streaming on Twitch again, I have been reminded of what a truly enjoyable and fulfilling experience it is when I interact with good people over a shared love of music. As a result, my desire to blog on a daily basis has lessened. So if the frequency of my blog posts is less than it has been, it is not because I am in a bad place mentally or spiritually – quite the opposite.
The past few days have been a bit of a blur. When I wasn't working I was gaming or watching Twitch, TV, or movies. Oh, and I streamed for a few hours on my Twitch DJ channel for the first time this year. I'm avoiding. Coping.
The last week was a blur. We drove some 1500 miles round-trip, saw some beautiful scenery, visited with family and friends, ate way too much food that's bad for us, and spent some quality time together as a family.
As part of my responsibilities as a lay minister in my church, I help lead the youth age 12 to 17. We have weekly youth activities and yesterday we went Christmas caroling in a 55+ community in our neighborhood.
I never did fall back asleep last night. My soul was in too much turmoil. So I decided to watch a movie to distract me. I think there was a little divine intervention at work because the movie I picked was exactly what I needed.
I don't even know who said it first, but it's a good axiom: the best things in life aren't things.
A friend reached out with a dilemma. He lives far away from the meeting place of his religious community. They use Zoom to broadcast their meetings for those who can't attend in-person. For many reasons, he avoids using proprietary software (software that is not free as in freedom), but he was seriously thinking about installing Zoom in this case. I can empathize with his dilemma. All of us have to make choices like this every day.
I like to sit in the living room every morning while eating breakfast and looking east out the window. Weekday mornings this time of year I don't see much. It's still dark. But on weekends, when I can stay in bed and eat breakfast later, I see more.
That's a line from the movie (based on the book by the same name), The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. I only recently watched it for the first time. As I wrestled with the decision of whether or not to quit Twitch, this line resonated with me when I heard it.
I can't shake a feeling I've had since before Easter.
Sometimes I can almost forget it. But like my tinnitus, it's always there when I stop and think about it.
It feels like a chapter of my life may be ending. And I feel...mournful. Sad.