Dallineation

I can’t sleep. Yesterday was rough. What was supposed to be a relaxing day off work before Thanksgiving was ruined by drama during a Twitch stream.

Drama that I did not cause or invite, but that found me anyway. And the fallout from this latest drama is making me revisit the idea of just leaving Twitch altogether.

I started out streaming on Twitch just to share my music collection with others and interact with them while enjoying music together. At one point I hoped it might grow into something more. At least a decent side-hustle. But I no longer want that, because I see what being a professional streamer requires of the streamer and I realize I don’t want that. It’s a lot. Too much for me right now.

So I’ve made peace with just being a guy who listens to music sometimes and invites people to join me on a live stream if they like. But apparently I can’t even do that without getting hurt.

I guess that’s just the risk of human interaction and relationships. Of opening yourself up to other people. Of being vulnerable.

We need people. But people can hurt us. And sometimes being a hermit sounds really, really appealing.

And so it’s time, yet again, to seriously reflect and introspect and decide if I want to put any more of myself into this Twitch thing or if it’s time to move on. If the joy I’m able to give to others and experience with them is worth the pain and heartache and drama. I want to believe it is. But I need to think about it more.

#100DaysToOffload (No. 113) #Twitch