This is a community of members of my church – The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Members who have affirmed their devotion to Jesus Christ, the Church, its leaders, and its doctrines. Good, intelligent people trying to navigate this mortal journey as best they can and learn about and live their faith to the fullest.

But felt I had to leave that Discord server for the sake of my own mental and emotional health. In other words, it's me, not them. I've been struggling with a lot of things this year. World events. Politics. Family drama. Online drama. Work. And also my faith.

It was a political channel in the Discord server that drove me away. I am deeply concerned about many things that are happening in my country (The United States of America) and in the world. But I was in the clear minority on the issues I was concerned about.

But I am also averse to contention. It makes me physically ill and takes a long time for me to work through.

So I'm this weird walking contradiction of wanting to talk about political issues because I care deeply about people and problems that affect us all, but also suffer great emotional and mental distress when those discussions get contentious. When that happens, I just disengage. And that is taken as a sign of weakness or concession.

On a related note, I think it's because of my desire for people to get along and find common ground that I'm known in my extended family as a mediator or peacekeeper. People like having me around when they're trying to work through family disagreements, for some reason.

It just got to the point where merely posting articles on that Discord server that people didn't like caused them to make all kinds of false assumptions about me, to question my motives and integrity.

This morning I realized that my participation there was no longer a net positive for me and probably not for them. So I just left suddenly and without fanfare.

It's hard because I have learned a lot from that community and I have made good friends there. I know those friendships will continue outside that group, so I take comfort in that.

And just so I'm clear, I don't blame anyone in particular for driving me away. As I said, I believe these are all good people. I just didn't feel comfortable there anymore. It's me.

Another reason I left is because I think what happened is a consequence of a larger problem I'm dealing with: technology addiction.

I've gone through this cycle in my life of times when I'm in control of the technology I use and am using it intentionally, and times when the technology is clearly in control of me. Right now, I'm deep under control of my technology.

I look at screens all day, every day. And I'm pretty sure it's rotting my brain – metaphorically for sure, but maybe physically, too, for all I know.

I keep saying I need to find a good therapist. I'm going to look for one now. I need to talk through these things with someone who can help.

Discuss...

#100DaysToOffload (No. 117) #politics #SocialMedia #mentalHealth #contention

By “Big Tech” I am referring to the largest and most influential technology companies in the world, including but not limited to Alphabet (which owns Google), Microsoft, Apple, Amazon, Nvidia, and Meta (which owns FaceBook, Instagram, and WhatsApp). These companies create and provide the hardware, software, and services which governments, companies, and individuals use in most of the “free” world.

The technologies these companies provide have, without question, enabled us to do some amazing things. They have allowed us to communicate, learn, work, and live in ways that I only dreamed about as a child watching my favorite TV show Star Trek: The Next Generation. But these benefits have come at a cost – a cost which I have long felt is too great, and has only been increasing over time.

Almost daily we find more evidence of just how much control these companies have over the technology we use. For me, the recent story that drew my attention back to this issue is Apple removing apps from their App Store that have allowed people to lawfully report and track the locations of ICE (U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement) agents based on their visible public activities. They have also removed an app that simply archived media documenting ICE abuses. Apple have done this in response to pressure from the U.S. federal government.

This is just the latest in a long train of abuses on the part of Big Tech. But it is one that comes at a critical time in the history of the United States and the world when many governments are becoming more authoritarian and are pressuring Big Tech to assist them in censorship, surveillance, and the infringement of human rights. These companies generally bow to the wishes of the governments of the countries in which they do business because they want to continue to do business. Apple have been resisting giving governments backdoor access to their iCloud service, but I believe it is only a matter of time before they give in on that, too.

And so, it's time for me to try again to divest myself of the products and ecosystems of Big Tech to the extent possible. The sobering reality of the situation is that Big Tech has become so enmeshed in the fabric of my everyday life that this will be a difficult and painful task. But it is necessary. And I believe it will be worth it, especially if I can help others to follow suit.

Over the coming weeks I will be assessing all of the technology I personally use and seeking freer replacements – or choosing to do without, if necessary.

And I will, of course, be documenting and sharing my experience for posterity and in the hopes that it will inspire others to do the same.

Discuss...

#tech #BigTech #politics #privacy #smartphones #socialMedia

I encourage you to watch the film for the deeper context – I thought it was pretty good. But this simple phrase so eloquently and succinctly conveyed an idea I have been struggling to articulate.

Twitch is just one example of a broader trend that has existed in some form or fashion since the beginning of time, but has only accelerated with the creation of smartphones and social media. It is evident in what some have called “Selfie Culture.” A related term that has surfaced in more recent years is “Influencer.” With hints of “Reality TV” thrown in (and we all know “Reality TV” is far from reality).

We (I include myself in this) have become increasingly obsessed with drawing attention to ourselves. Performance. Fame. Seeking worldly validation and accolades from strangers. Platforms like Twitch, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, and others have taken this obsession a step further and have monetized it. They are exploiting us by giving us financial incentives to exploit ourselves.

It's not only self-obsession that is being monetized, but human socialization. It's distorting our perceptions of what it means to be part of a community and to interact and connect with others. We are putting price tags on activities and experiences that are (or should be) shared freely in the real world with authentic people.

The things that matter most, the beautiful things, don't ask for attention. Life doesn't seek an audience or subscriptions.

Discuss...

#Twitch #SocialMedia #PositiveNotes #life

The word community is used in our day to describe people who connect with each other via the internet to form online groups around common interests. But that is not the definition of a community. That is a club. Like a chess club. Or a computer club. And clubs are, by their very nature, exclusive – some more than others, depending on how tightly their leaders and members want to run things.

A community is very different from a club. Clubs can exist within communities. But, at least before the Internet Age, the word community described people with different interests, backgrounds, etc. living and working together despite their differences. As Neil Postman wrote back in 1999:

Think ... of how the words “community” and “conversation” are now employed by those who use the Internet. I have the impression that “community” is now used to mean, simply, people with similar interests, a considerable change from an older meaning: A community is made up of people who may not have similar interests, but who must negotiate and resolve their differences for the sake of social harmony. Tocqueville used the phrase “an ethic of reciprocity” to delineate what is at the heart of community life. What has that to do with “a community” of Internet users? As for “conversation,” two (or more) people typing messages to each other are engaged in an activity quite different from what is usually called a conversation. To call messages that lack the presence of the human voice and human faces a “conversation” seems odd to me. (Neil Postman, Building a Bridge to the 18th Century, p. 53)

We have been seeking human connection, belonging, and validation online in places like social media platforms, instant messaging groups, forums, etc. when they can provide none of these things in a deeply meaningful way.

A group of fans of a Twitch streamer or channel is not a community. It's a fan club. Calling them “communities” gives us the wrong idea of what it really means to be a community.

You will find more fulfillment and purpose by seeking to build and strengthen real-life communities in your family, neighborhood, and city than you ever can online.

Internet-based tools can help strengthen and connect real-life communities, but they can never replace those communities.

Discuss...

#internet #SocialMedia #Twitch

In September of 2023, I discovered a hobby and passion as a DJ streamer on Twitch, collecting music on physical media (compact disc, vinyl, cassette) and playing that music live for viewers. When I wasn't streaming on Twitch, I was watching other streamers. I also started using social media – particularly Instagram and Threads – to try to promote my stream, discover music, and plug into the DJ and streamer communities. I created my own Discord server for my Twitch stream and joined other servers. I started playing video games again both on PC and retro gaming on a PlayStation 2. When I wasn't doing any of those things I was on social media or doomscrolling the news or watching movies and TV shows – pretty much finding any excuse to be glued to a screen.

Most of my free time over the past 18 months has been consumed with these activities. And while I did find some degree of entertainment and genuine-but-fleeting joy in these things, I knew that my personal and spiritual life were suffering. I have felt disconnected from the real world, my family, my local community – I realize now I've probably been trying to escape from it. The real world can seem scary and overwhelming and it's healthy to find ways to cope and escape, but you can't let those things consume you, either.

Being a Twitch streamer, if you are trying to be consistent about it and grow your channel, can take over your life. Especially when you are starting out and trying to make a good try of it, when you are not actually streaming, you are thinking about and working on being a better streamer. Thinking about what kind of experiences you want to create, learning about all of the technology and systems involved, reading articles and watching videos about streaming, watching other streamers to learn from them. And for me, there's also been the element of collecting music on physical media, getting the equipment needed to maintain it and play it, and learning all about how to do all of that. And you are spending as many hours as possible actually streaming. When I started out, I think I was trying to stream 20 hours per week. I've since settled in to 8-12 hours per week on average, but as I said earlier, I've still been putting considerable “off air” time into streamer things.

While I have been excited and passionate about this streaming hobby and found some meaning and purpose in it, I have felt that something is off. But I knew that because I was in it so deeply, I couldn't really see or understand how and why I felt that way.

I needed a break. So I decided to observe Lent for the first time in my life. And the thing I chose to give up? Twitch.

I'm a Christian, but my church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) doesn't officially observe Lent, although it does encourage us to develop our own Christ-centered Easter traditions in our families and make it as important and special a season as Christmas. I have Roman Catholic relatives, so I decided this year I would observe Lent with them for the first time in my life.

One of the Lenten traditions is to give up or abstain from a pleasure or a vice or something you very much enjoy, and to replace it with something that will help you grow personally and spiritually and draw you closer to Jesus Christ. For the nearly seven weeks of Lent this year, I chose to give up Twitch – both as a viewer and streamer – along with all non-religious or faith-promoting “video entertainments” (video games, movies, TV, YouTube, etc.). Instead of doing those things, I have been reading books (a lot of books), writing, spending time with family, going to the temple, and quite a bit of thinking and praying. Three weeks in, I feel as if I'm beginning to wake up from a technological coma.

Before Lent, I had already started to make some changes in other digital areas of my life. I had deleted (not deactivated, completely deleted) all of my Meta accounts – Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and WhatsApp. I hadn't been using Twitter for years but deleted that account, too, for good measure. I deleted other distracting apps from my phone like video streaming apps (I haven't had games on my phone for years – that's at least one thing I've been able to be consistent with). I have a feeling that I might eventually be giving up video games again and even Twitch before this latest purge is over.

If this digital detox process sounds familiar, it's because I have gone through this many times and written about it on this very blog, as I said at the beginning of this post. Can you relate? The pendulum always seems to eventually swing back and I eventually end up indulging in all the distractions and entertainments again. But I will keep trying. Because I know I need to change. Each time I relapse, things get worse.

If you are fighting the same struggle, know that you are not alone. The fight is worth it because we are not only fighting our own impulsive nature, we are fighting massive technology companies who have invested billions upon billions of dollars and thousands upon thousands of man hours in developing ways to make the technology we use extremely addictive and to influence our thoughts and behavior – all to monetize and profit from us. I won't elaborate on this any further here, but volumes have already been written about it and I encourage you to explore this topic on your own. Suffice it to say, we have to be vigilant and persistent.

I am currently reading the book Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport – this is a good place to start if you want to know more about how addictive modern technology can be and what you can do about it. Newport writes about the phenomenon of people trying to make these kinds of changes in their lives – cutting out social media, getting rid of smartphones, etc. – only to eventually give in and revert back to their distractions. So he makes the case that we must first embrace and ground ourselves in a philosophy – in this case Digital Minimalism – if we hope to make permanent changes. The change must come from inside not outside. I'm going to sincerely try to embrace and live Digital Minimalism, but I'm going beyond that in conjunction with Lent. I'm trying to also embrace and ground myself in my faith and appeal to a higher power – to God – for additional help.

I feel like I am still waking up from this latest technological coma, but in the remaining weeks of Lent, I hope to establish a good foundation for permanent personal change. Change that I will try my hardest – with God's help – to maintain well beyond Easter.

There are other related ideas and topics I've been thinking about during this time – I hope to be able to articulate them in future posts. And I will try to give you an update after Easter on how things went and my plans going forward.

Discuss...

#faith #tech #DigitalMinimalism #media #SocialMedia

Earlier this week I decided I needed to drastically cut back on the amount of social, news, and entertainment media (including video games) I was consuming. In my free time, I decided to finish reading The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers, the wonderful biography of a man I have considered a role model and mentor since childhood. I have also focused more on personal prayer and scripture study.

The improvement in my mental and emotional state within just a few days has been remarkable. I've also been sleeping better. And as I have learned some things about the remarkable Fred Rogers, I have learned some things about myself.

One thing I have always known about myself, but am becoming more perceptive of with respect to its impact on my mental and emotional state, is that I am extremely sensitive to the influence of electronic media. Perhaps more sensitive than most. I have always had the ability to recall and replay visual and especially auditory media in my mind with a high degree of detail and accuracy. I have an excellent music memory. Recently, I was reminded of a music album I had listened to on cassette tape a great deal in my childhood, but never since. As I remembered this album, I could recall music from the album with startling detail in my mind. I recently rediscovered this particular album on Apple Music and, as I listened to it for the first time in decades, it sounded just as it had in my mind.

To varying degrees, we are all influenced by media. I don't think most of us realize just how much.

Earlier in my career, a previous employer gave each employee a card on which the following was written:

Watch your thoughts, they become words; Watch your words, they become actions; Watch your actions, they become habits; Watch your habits, they become character; Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

The media we consume has the power to influence what we think and, therefore, our behavior, our character, and our destiny.

Fred Rogers understood this. He saw the tremendous potential of television to be a powerful influence for good – or for evil – in human society. He figured out a way to use television to help and educate young children in a marvelous way. Ironically – or perhaps not so ironically – although he created one of the most popular and beloved children's television shows of all time, which aired for 30 minutes each weekday for decades, Rogers himself rarely watched television. According to his biography, as a young man he'd watch The Alfred Hitchcock Hour once a week – but only the beginning where Hitchcock would speak directly to the audience, then he'd turn the TV off. At one point he also removed the radio from his car. Later, as he and his wife Joanne were raising their two sons, they limited their television time to one hour a day.

Today, we are swimming in more media – and more mediums for its delivery – than ever before. And I feel like most of us are drowning in it without even realizing it. It's influencing our thoughts and behaviors in ways we don't fully perceive.

Just this past week, there was a horrific school shooting in Nashville, Tennessee. It's been one of the top stories on every national and local news outlet the entire week. It has been sensationalized in news and social media – rehashing every morbid detail, frequently displaying the pictures of those who were killed. But even more disturbing, putting front and center the name and picture of the shooter who was eventually killed by police, diving into their background and motives, showing text messages the killer sent just before the shooting, showing security and police body camera footage. Naturally, this incident has also been prominent on popular social media networks and has been politicized on all sides. The modern news and social media cycle has become shifting from one outrageous, sensationalized incident to another with no reprieve. It's about capturing as much attention as possible for as long as possible because that's how news outlets and social media “influencers” make money.

Fred Rogers was deeply concerned about the media trends he was seeing in his own day. I can only imagine how horrified he would be with the current state of things. There are still good people trying to do good things through media, but they have long been the exception, not the rule.

I believe our collective obsession with sensational, exploitative, and addictive social, news, and entertainment media is having a detrimental impact on our emotional and mental health and is warping our perspective and sense of reality as a society.

In the face of this, I feel that I need to drastically limit or even eliminate some of the electronic media to which I have become accustomed, perhaps even addicted.

I have already been making significant strides in this direction in recent years. It's time to take the next dramatic step.

• Video Games. I am going to completely quit video games except for social purposes with people I know in real life. For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, my brothers and I enjoyed playing the game Valheim together. It was a time for us to socialize virtually and collaborate on something fun together. I will use that example as my standard going forward. I will not play video games by myself again.

• News and Social Media. I will set aside a 30 minute time slot per day to catch up on news and social media. I will not check them outside of that time slot. I have developed a habit of repeatedly checking them throughout the day, and that needs to stop. For me, social media includes Facebook, Twitter, Mastodon, and Discord. One-on-one or small group messaging like texting, Signal, etc. is okay, as that is more personal and intentional interaction with people. But I will still try to limit how often I check anything outside of SMS texts.

• Entertainment Media. I will limit watching videos for entertainment to two hours per week. That means no more binge-watching favorite shows like The Mandalorian or Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. (In fact, I'm concerned that I've become desensitized to violent content and may stop watching those kinds of shows altogether, but that's for another blog post.) I will need to be intentional with how I use that two hours for entertainment videos. I will not limit educational or religious videos (especially since I'm starting school in two weeks), but will try to be aware of when I am watching these excessively as a distraction or to “kill time”. I already don't use TikTok or Instagram, and I will stop watching YouTube shorts, period. They are a time suck and mostly garbage. I will not impose limits on listening to music. I often listen to music while I work, as it helps me focus. And good and uplifting music is healing to my soul. I don't listen to the radio often. But when I do, news and current events programs will be limited to 30 minutes. No limits on music.

• Replacement Activities. It's not enough to just cut back, I need to find good replacement activities to fill the time the cutbacks will free up. I plan to read a lot more books – alternating between fiction and non-fiction. I also feel like I need to get back into music and practice and play an instrument regularly. Another thing I learned about Fred Rogers is his deep love for writing, playing, and sharing music and using it as an outlet for dealing with and expressing feelings and emotions. Many years ago I was studying to be a music teacher. Music was an important part of my life. I've lost that, and I need to get it back. I also think I need more real-life social activity, so I am going to look for ways to cultivate that. Have the neighbors over, make friends, etc.

It is my hope that limiting and being more intentional about the media I consume will help me be more stable mentally and emotionally, have a healthier perspective on life, and feel better about myself and others.

#media #SocialMedia #life #DigitalMinimalism #intentionism

I'm disturbed (but not surprised) by how many times I have absentmindedly tried to open a news or social media website. Thankfully the blocks I have put in place have prevented me from breaking my fast and reminded me just how entrenched I have become in these habits.

I feel like my overall mental state is getting better. I'm less anxious and agitated. I'm able to think more clearly and focus more easily. I have a greater desire to read and write. I know there are concerning and disturbing things happening in the world, but I'm focused more on how I can make the world a better place by influencing circumstances within my control.

Going forward, I think I need to schedule specific times to check news and social media. I'm not sure yet on the duration and frequency. 30 minutes daily might be too much, so maybe 30 minutes every other day. I'll have to experiment and see what works. Outside of those scheduled times, I need to avoid news and social media.

For now, I will enjoy the remainder of this news and social media fast and continue to think of other ways I can align my life more with my values for the coming year and beyond.

Discuss...

#100DaysToOffload (No. 94) #DigitalMinimalism #SocialMedia #intentionism

It's obvious my relationship with social media is not a healthy one. And it likely never will be. So it doesn't make sense for me to run and administrate a Mastodon instance, which would obligate me to be on social media when I should be taking a break – or stepping away for good.

I had high hopes for ZCMI.social, and would still love for there to be a supportive, safe, faith-affirming space for members of my church to have a social media experience. But I am not the one to make that happen. Besides, the level of interest even among close associates who supported the idea was lackluster to begin with, and actual engagement on my Mastodon instance itself was practically nonexistent.

I have migrated my personal Mastodon account back to Fosstodon, where I have felt the most at-home on the Fediverse.

I have learned a lot from this experience and I don't regret it.

I don't feel like explaining all I have learned in intricate detail, but I'll sum it up by saying I have gained an even greater appreciation for everyone who has made and continues to make Mastodon and decentralized social media possible. I appreciate all the developers, hosts, admins, members – all who are trying to move us away from corporate-controlled, exploitative social media platforms that foment outrage and contention for profit, and instead create safe, engaging online communities that foster communication and understanding.

Discuss...

#100DaysToOffload (No. 85) #tech #SocialMedia

It was an uncomfortable moment, but a welcome one. I have gotten way too worked up over Elon Musk and his Twitter antics because that situation is at the intersection of a lot of issues I'm passionate about like #tech, #SocialMedia, #politics, #FOSS, #privacy, and others.

When I get too worked up over issues like this, my emotions get the best of me and I don't think clearly. I'm not as articulate or persuasive in my arguments. I get upset, argumentative, contentious. I feel anxious, agitated, frustrated. I lose control. And I don't feel good about myself or others when I'm like this.

Over the years, I've made some changes to keep from slipping into this state of mind and continue to participate on social media in productive ways, but it still happens and I don't like it.

It's time for another news and social media fast. So here are the changes I'm making starting today and continuing through the end of the year:

• Log out of Discord, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Mastodon on all devices (these are the only social media platforms I use)
• Refrain from checking news sources. I will block specific news websites on my devices if force of habit gets the better of me.
• Strengthen real-world relationships
• Pray and meditate more
• Read more
• Write (blog) more
• Enjoy holiday festivities
• Focus on being present and living in the moment

When the status quo isn't working, it's time to change things up. So here goes!

Discuss...

#100DaysToOffload (No. 84)

Spoilers ahead!

I'm currently obsessed with the Star Wars TV series Andor. Writing, directing, acting, cinematography, music, story – all brilliant. It resonates with me on many levels. I'm watching the first season for the second time and paying close attention. In Episode 7, Announcement, a conversation between Andor and Maarva got me thinking.

Andor is trying to convince Maarva to leave Ferrix with him.

Maarva: I'm staying.

Cassian: But it's... it's not safe.

Maarva: I know all that.

Cassian: I can't be here. You said it yourself, “It's all come undone.” There's an Imperial barracks on Rix Road.

Maarva: Good luck to them.

Cassian: You wanna live under that?

Maarva: It's happening everywhere.

Cassian: Well, we'll find a place they haven't ruined yet.

Maarva: I'm already there. That place is in my head. They can build as many barracks as they like, they'll never find me.

Cassian: What's left to keep you here?

Maarva: The Rebellion.

Cassian: What?

Maarva: Ferrix has been hiding long enough.

Cassian: So now you're taking on the Empire?

Maarva: Laugh if you want to.

Cassian: Who's laughing? This is madness.

Maarva: No, it's not. It's overdue, and probably doomed, and I'm too old, and I don't care anymore. For 13 years, every time I walk down Rix Road, I turn off before I get to the square. I take the long way around so I don't have to think about Clem hanging there. Then yesterday, I heard about this attack at Aldhani. Have you heard about this?

Cassian: What about it?

Maarva: Well, Bee played me the news. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Cassian: Yeah, yeah, the garrison at Aldhani.

Maarva: I heard that, I put on my best coat, and I walked across the square with a smile on my face. If there are heroes brave enough to take on a whole Imperial garrison, I'm brave enough to stick it out here. I... I don't expect you to understand.

Cassian: Aldhani was just a robbery.

Maarva: People are standing up.

Cassian: Yeah, and getting killed for it.

Maarva: But there's work that will need doing.

Cassian: Yeah? What is that?

Maarva: Whatever it takes. I've been lying around waiting to die long enough.

Cassian: You can't beat them, Maarva.

Maarva: Not if I run away.

In the context of the show, the stakes are much higher than they are in my current reality. But the principle Maarva is trying to teach Cassian rings true for many different circumstances.

Social media has been on my mind a lot lately (and the past several years). I think of how it is being used to exploit and manipulate people. To spread misinformation and hate. Being a peacemaker by nature and one who avoids conflict and toxicity, I have almost completely stopped using the popular social media platforms for anything but a few Facebook groups and the occasional faith-related post.

And now we have a wealthy, power-hungry man (Elon Musk) who has swooped in to purchase Twitter, revoke much of their content moderation standards, including their COVID misinformation policy, and reinstate most accounts that were previously banned for violating those old moderation standards. I haven't used Twitter regularly in years, but the latest news reports claim there has been a notable increase in hate speech and misinformation on the platform.

I have been using Mastodon for the past few years and have witnessed the dramatic surge in people leaving Twitter for the Fediverse over the past couple months. And until very recently, I wondered why anyone who disagrees with what Elon Musk is doing would possibly want to stay on Twitter at this point.

But after watching this episode of Andor again, I think I get it. Even amidst the wave of fascist, racist, hateful, and other toxic content on Twitter, good people I know are staying. They continue to post thoughtful, positive, fun, uplifting content. They continue to post what they believe in the face of all of it. The chance of making a difference for good seems pretty slim right now if good people stay. But there is no chance if they leave.

And what is the result of running away? What is the result of ceding the public square (and for better or worse, Twitter is still an influential space in the public square) to hate and misinformation? And how long can we keep running until there's nowhere else to run?

Maybe instead of running away from Twitter, good, decent people who have had enough of this nonsense should be running towards it.

Discuss...

#100DaysToOffload (No. 71) #TV #tech #SocialMedia