Leaving an Online Community for the Sake of Mental Health
I just left an online community I've been participating in for the last five years. It started out on Slack at the beginning of the COVID-19 Pandemic in late 2020 and later moved to Discord. I've been considering leaving for quite some time, but after an unpleasant interaction this morning it felt like the right time to move on.
This is a community of members of my church – The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Members who have affirmed their devotion to Jesus Christ, the Church, its leaders, and its doctrines. Good, intelligent people trying to navigate this mortal journey as best they can and learn about and live their faith to the fullest.
But felt I had to leave that Discord server for the sake of my own mental and emotional health. In other words, it's me, not them. I've been struggling with a lot of things this year. World events. Politics. Family drama. Online drama. Work. And also my faith.
It was a political channel in the Discord server that drove me away. I am deeply concerned about many things that are happening in my country (The United States of America) and in the world. But I was in the clear minority on the issues I was concerned about.
But I am also averse to contention. It makes me physically ill and takes a long time for me to work through.
So I'm this weird walking contradiction of wanting to talk about political issues because I care deeply about people and problems that affect us all, but also suffer great emotional and mental distress when those discussions get contentious. When that happens, I just disengage. And that is taken as a sign of weakness or concession.
On a related note, I think it's because of my desire for people to get along and find common ground that I'm known in my extended family as a mediator or peacekeeper. People like having me around when they're trying to work through family disagreements, for some reason.
It just got to the point where merely posting articles on that Discord server that people didn't like caused them to make all kinds of false assumptions about me, to question my motives and integrity.
This morning I realized that my participation there was no longer a net positive for me and probably not for them. So I just left suddenly and without fanfare.
It's hard because I have learned a lot from that community and I have made good friends there. I know those friendships will continue outside that group, so I take comfort in that.
And just so I'm clear, I don't blame anyone in particular for driving me away. As I said, I believe these are all good people. I just didn't feel comfortable there anymore. It's me.
Another reason I left is because I think what happened is a consequence of a larger problem I'm dealing with: technology addiction.
I've gone through this cycle in my life of times when I'm in control of the technology I use and am using it intentionally, and times when the technology is clearly in control of me. Right now, I'm deep under control of my technology.
I look at screens all day, every day. And I'm pretty sure it's rotting my brain – metaphorically for sure, but maybe physically, too, for all I know.
I keep saying I need to find a good therapist. I'm going to look for one now. I need to talk through these things with someone who can help.
#100DaysToOffload (No. 117) #politics #SocialMedia #mentalHealth #contention