Dallineation

It's interesting the things you come across online when you wake up in the middle of the night. For some reason at 2:30am today, my half-conscious-but-apparently-not-tired-enough-to-sleep brain decided to search Startpage for “boycott Twitch” and discovered there is an actual Amazon boycott starting today. I took that as a sign. I'm joining the boycott. I won't be streaming on Twitch this week.

I can't shake a feeling I've had since before Easter.

Sometimes I can almost forget it. But like my tinnitus, it's always there when I stop and think about it.

It feels like a chapter of my life may be ending. And I feel...mournful. Sad.

I started watching Twitch again after taking a break for 7 weeks. It's only been a few days, but I think it's causing me to slip back into old thought patterns and habits. I need to cut way back and limit myself to specific streams and times. Or stop watching altogether.

One of the things that I have enjoyed about taking my first Lenten journey this year is rediscovering my love of writing.

I seem to vaguely recall having a print newspaper subscription in the early years of my marriage (it's our 20th anniversary this summer). I think it was just a Sunday-paper-only subscription mainly for the coupon section. And the comics, of course. But we eventually cancelled our newspaper subscription like most everyone else, because why pay for a clunky print paper when you can just check the news for free via the Internet any time you want? Well, things have changed a lot since then. I've changed a lot. And I've felt for a few years now that I'd rather get my news via good old-fashioned newspaper again for a number of reasons.

If you've read my previous blog posts, you know that I have long been concerned about the effect modern technology – especially smartphones – has had on me and on humanity in general. I have written about doing media fasts, cutting back my technology use, privacy and security, making sure you use your technology intentionally and that it doesn't use you, and other related topics. Well, I'm somewhat embarrassed to say that over the past 18 months, I have been “off the wagon” when it comes to technology addiction. But for a few weeks now I've been trying something that is helping me snap out of it (again). And I need to share my experience if only to show solidarity with others who are going through this same thing.

I have long had a love-hate relationship with technology. I love what digital devices empower us to do, but I hate that it's so easy to abuse or be abused by others through those same devices.

Today I had an experience that reaffirmed my appreciation for smartphones. In my church, adults and youth are given responsibility to look after and help other individuals and families in our community. We call this “ministering.” My 16-year-old son and I are ministering companions and we have the opportunity to minister to four different households.

I have caught myself slipping. Picking up the smartphone out of pure habit to cycle through apps and websites. Grabbing the laptop to tinker or look something up on the web or whatever. I keep removing apps, using website blockers, etc. I just reinstall apps, pause website blockers, etc. But the impulse remains. There is a deeply ingrained urge, a need to stare at a screen – any screen. For any reason or no reason at all.

For the past 8 months I have been using the Day One app to keep a digital journal. It's a fantastic app with a lot of neat features. They even recently released a web app to allow you to create journal entries using a browser. Even so, I'm thinking about keeping a journal by hand again.